This day dragged and it seemed as the hours passed I just became more depressingly pessimistic. Then when Manda dropped me off at home we sat in her car for 2 hours discussing the finer and lower points of sex and boyfriends and everyhting in the whole situation. I told her all of my doubts and feeling and with my pessimisticness and her optimism we got absolutely no where. And I am no more at peace with myself than I was before. But it was very nice to have someone to talk to and it seems as though at least once a month we have one of those weird spill-all conversations. Its nice, in some way.
Ever since I quit smoking I have gained a lot of weight and all I do anymore is eat. It sucks and makes me want to start again but, I dont want to end up totally fucked in the ass when Im older. But I dont plan on living long enough to feel the consequences.
Have you noticed everyday I write the exact same thing I did yesterday... my life is that repetitive.
I found out that my "raver birthday" which is the anniversary on your first rave [ie; my first rave was Return to Candyland-last april and Candyland 3 is on april first] is comming up soon. So I have to go, even though I promised that I would only go to massives and I am living on an extremely tight budget. So that was basically the highlight of my day. All I want right now is to sleep. Im so lazy and fat and pathetic.
Today I quoted ESotSM.
I'm just a fucked up girl looking for a peace of mind
It fit with my mood.